WASHINGTON, D.C. — Last week current Democratic front runner Hillary Rodham Clinton said she would consider current President Barack H. Obama for appointment to the Supreme Court of the United States of America, and over the weekend Obama told a group of reporters what his goals would be, should be confirmed to the highest court in the land.
“As everyone knows, I have a pen, a phone, and a degree in Constitutional law,” Obama told the press, “and that degree was obtained with the sole focus one day becoming the first black president to become appointed to the Supreme Court. Because then I could much more easily make myself Sharia King.”
When pressed by reporters, Obama said that “Sharia King is a title I made up for myself, but being such an imperious dictator already means that I have no compunction about making up a new title for myself,” President Obama explained, “but I can’t do it with an executive order, I can only use the special-secret-backdoor-Socialist-Communist-Sharia clause that FDR had inserted when he created Socialist Security.”
“There is no doubt, make no mistake,” Obama said, “that it is much easier to damage your Constitution on the Supreme Court than in the White House.” Obama pointed to the recent Citizens United and McCutcheon rulings that made money speech and turned corporations into people that have constitutional rights like “actual people, people,” as Mr. Obama called them. “I mean, shit, one Supreme Court decision overturned decades of Constitutional precedent and turned the Second Amendment into an individual right, and that made it easier for all the guns I am going to confiscate to be sold, so I’m going to use the same mechanism to create the role of Sharia King, which takes precedence over all other three branches of government, and then I can finally begin work on my super weapon that can destroy an entire planet.”
President Obama revealed that he and George Soros had discovered the special-secret-backdoor-Socialist-Communist-Sharia clause he plans to exploit as Supreme Court Justice one night when they were holding a seance to contact the ghost of Saul Alinksy.
“We know Saul would be proud of us for Obamacare ruining all things ever that we just had to let his ghost know about it,” Obama said, “and the special conjuring spell for the ghosts of dead liberals is in the back of the Constitution. You can imagine how surprised we were when we found the special-secret-backdoor-Socialist-Communist-Sharia clause right underneath the spell! It was meant to be, obviously.”
Obama told the reporters that he wasn’t sure if he’d wait “about half of the new president’s term” to enact his plan, or if he’d wait it out.
“If I feel like usurpation right after my confirmation, I’ll do it,” Obama said, “or since I’m so lazy as has been pointed out by my political detractors for nearly a decade, maybe I’ll wait awhile. I don’t know. Either way, I hope everyone has brushed up on their Swahili and is ready to hand me their gun,” he said with a wide, toothy grin.