TWUNTBERG, ALASKA — In the very early hours of the morning, President Donald Trump arrived at Andrews Air Force Base to welcome home three Americans who had been held by the North Korean government in labor camps for crimes against the state.
The move comes as Mr. Trump and his North Korean counterpart prepare for a historic summit later this year. Relations between the two countries have been strained ever since President George W. Bush labeled North Korea an actor in his so-called “Axis of Evil” in the wake of the 9/11 terror attacks. Despite a cantankerous, often times caustic and antagonistic public spat, Kim Jong Un and Trump began thawing their relationship a few weeks ago, and the release of these three men seems to indicate momentum is building toward the summit at which Trump hopes to cement and secure a deal that prevents Un from developing nuclear weapons.
While many in the White House are hailing this development as a domestic and geopolitical victory, not everyone is so pleased with the situation. Word is circulating that an outspoken Republican is upset her offer to help the transfer of the three Americans wasn’t given any consideration.
“Well, I called Donald and I personally offered to drive those three nice men in my big ol’ gas guzzlin’ American sport You-Till-Uh-Tee Vee-Hickle back home from North Korea, and I’d even have stopped at a Chick-Fil-A for them, too, ” former half-term Governor Sarah Palin told listeners to her new podcast this morning, “but no one ever returned my call.”
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Palin told her audience that she wanted to help “in any way” she could in bringing the detained Americans home.
“Any American should feel their duty calling to assist in such a great undertaking,” Palin said. “And plus my face would be on TV!”
It’s particularly insulting to her that no one in the Trump administration took her up on, or even responded to, her offer, because Palin says she “went the extra mile” in preparing her SUV for the released men’s “sacred voyage home.”
“I bought five extra big These Colors Don’t Run, Freedom Isn’t Free, and Fuck the Mexicans bumper stickers,” Palin explained. “So that these fine American patriots would feel as at home as possible Ol’ Bessie. But apparently Obummer isn’t the only one wearing mom jeans in the White House these days, fam.”
Ultimately, Palin thinks Trump missed an opportunity to “save the taxpayers a few bucks.”
“It woulda been a pretty easy drive, too,” Palin pointed out. “I’m, like, way closer to North Korea than D.C. is. He could’ve saved Mike Pompeo and everyone some gas money if he’d just asked me. Oh well, maybe next time.”